I have decided to stop attempting to involve myself with [name-redacted]

Yes, unfortunately, I am referring to the world-rocking man I've referenced a couple of times recently. It's time to place him in a different category in my head: guy I slept with (past tense) rather than guy I am casually sleeping with. That latter category might have been presumptuous on my part from the beginning, though in my defense he did all but offer me the d on a silver platter.

None of my attempts at bluntness since have been fruitful, though. He usually chalks chalked it up to timing: he goes to sleep absurdly early during the week, and by the time my thesis and show were over, it was final project crunch time for him. That's fine. Having radically different schedules is unfortunate, but what are you going to do? Then I invited him to come to the open bar and dancing part of Houseparties last weekend--before you read into that, I saw this as an opportunity to get a little tipsy, have someone to dance with all night, and then keep the party going back in my room, if you catch my drift. And he agreed to that, but then had to cancel and felt the need to send me a long and detailed explanation of why, along with an invitation to have lunch. "Lunch" is not something included in the kind of arrangement I was trying to craft with him, so I replied that what he needed to do was "more important than drinking and dancing and other things with me. Don't feel the need to explain or make up for it." 

Maybe that was abrasive? He didn't respond, but it didn't really call for a response, so I didn't think twice about it. Then I texted him yesterday afternoon to see if he was going to Senior Pub Night, and if he'd like to come over afterwards...no response. 

And some of you, if you're like KS, are probably wondering what's so egregious about any of this. Nothing, really. He didn't do anything. We haven't interacted in any way besides text for almost a month, besides very briefly running into each other at the student center with a group of mutual friends about three weeks ago.

So what's wrong? I don't like always being the one to try to initiate. It makes me feel kind of like I'm begging for it. I like even less that this is rarely successful. Even if it's all circumstantially unsuccessful, as he has claimed, I think I'm still new enough to this casual thing that I feel like I'm putting a little of myself on the line each time I reach out to him. Even a circumstantial rejection carries a bit of disappointment with it, even in just that I got myself excited about the possibility of something that's not going to happen. It would be different if sometimes he reached out to me, but that hasn't been the case (re-enter begging feeling). Not being responded to at all yesterday made me feel undesirable, and I think that as a general rule of life, I should not try to sustain involvement with anyone who can make me feel that way, even unintentionally.

So I want to be done with whatever I was trying to sustain. Thinking with my head and not my nether regions didn't particularly work to keep me from involving myself with him the first time, though, and I'm unsure that I'd be able to resist if the situation presented itself again, knowing exactly how damn good what I'd be giving up is. Perhaps if I could make myself fully let go of any expectations of repetition, it could happen. #AmIweakwilledorjusthorny? Le sigh.

(KS suggested that I should just get it from somewhere else without giving up on this if I feel like he's not available enough for my needs. #Iwishitwerethateasy. Monogamy on my end is an unfortunate condition of my life, not a circumstance I'm actively working to create.)   

D.O.D. [Updated]

Dick on demand. It's an interesting development to have in one's life, and I seem to be developing it in my own. 

I'm trying to figure out how it works. How do I refer to this? We're friends, I suppose. He is someone I have been friendly, at least, with for a few years. Does that make us friends with benefits? I feel like, ideally, a friend with benefits should be a closer friend than this. Like, a person you would hang out with on an one-on-one level and are also sleeping with. Me sitting here wanting to text him to see if he wants to come over feels more like we're fuck buddies.

...What exactly is the difference? 

UrbanDictionary will tell us!

Friends with benefits: 1) Two friends who have a sexual realtionship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogomous relationship or any kind of commitment. 2) two fairly close, or very close friends have the hots for one another. they do have some sort caring for one another, but it is not one of a romantic couple. 3) Two very good friends that share in sexual acts with eachother with no emotional connection or boyfriend-girlfriend label. Just engaging in the act of sex for fun.

Those all sound well and good except for the "typically two good friends" "fairly close, or very close friends" "very good friends" parts. Let's see what it says for fuck buddy: 

1) A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with who is not your S.O. 2) A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend (or farmyard animal), with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you both want sex and nothing more. Strictly, for the term 'fuck buddy' to apply, both people involved have to be single. 3) All the benefits of being in a relationship minus the bullshit like not doing enough for Valentine's Day or her birthday, not spending 3 months salary on a stupid ring, and not spending enough quality time with her. 4) The excellent arrangement of a good friend of the opposite sex (or same sex if you so want) who you can fuck hard and long as long as you both shall want, but without the strings attached so you can go and happily hang out together as friends and have a laugh together (or not see one another for another 4 weeks) rather than go through all the pointless crap of forking out your hard-earned cash for valentine's day or bitching about each other's annoying habits in public or being dragged away from your friends to spend quality time with one another (or do the washing up) or the "I wuv you - I wuv you too!" bullshit.

(Number four included just for the lolz.) 

This is somewhat clarifying, but my soph friends who are currently in the Large Library agree with me that FWBs are people with whom one would hang out as friends. I would like some clarification as to whether this means one with whom you would hang out with INDIVIDUALLY as friends or like, in a group as friends, because that is highly relevant to my situation, but hey. 

The point of this post is that whatever this is, beside yay I'm having good sex...I don't know how it works. So he said that when I want to sleep with him, to bluntly tell him that. When can I do that? What time of the day? Only in the wee hours of the morning? How frequently? Should one or both of us have been drinking before? Are there rules?

Can the rule be try it and see what works? I like that philosophy.

[UPDATE: Wee hours of the morning is not a good look. It wasn't even 1AM when I texted him last night to see if he wanted to come over, and he texted me back at 8AM saying he'd been asleep already. Soooooo, that's not gonna work, haha. I'm mad I sat around waiting for it to feel "late enough" and missed my chance. My best friend from middle school is visiting today/tonight, so now I either have to try again on a school night or wait a whole week! Ugh.]