How technology has made me a wimp.

So I've recently become absolutely obsessed with The L Word. Like, watched the pilot Thursday after work, started watching the second episode late Friday night, and finished the entire first season over the course of the weekend obsessed. And I've found myself doing something that I often do in dramatic moments of television shows or movies that I'm watching online--I pause them because I don't want to deal with the stress/tension of the moment yet. Be it (rampant spoilers alert) House cutting at his own leg or Bette making her affair reality instead of fantasy or Jessica learning Mike Ross's secret, as soon as I see it coming, I click anywhere on the playing video to pause it and go check Facebook or read some things in my Google Reader or come write something here. 

It's like, the opposite of instant gratification, which is the thing everyone always talks about coming from our technological culture. Yes, we can download things in seconds wirelessly and yes, there are at any point in time 7 or more ways for me to get a message to my best friend in New York City instantly. Our entire lives are on demand. But there's another side of on demand: instant gratification on the one hand and...delayed stress on the other. 

Ten years ago, if I decided that I couldn't handle what was happening on my show, I would have had to wait for the rerun to find out what I'd missed. When I had a landline phone without caller ID, there was no screening calls to avoid people I didn't want to talk to--if I picked up the phone, there the person was, and I had to deal with it. Once upon a time, I talked to people face to face and didn't have time to make sure everything came out exactly the way I wanted it to, like I can in texting or chatting--one time the word chat was inherently linked to speech, rather than to the movement of fingers on plastic. 

It's like, we as a culture want everything right now, right this very instant, except when we don't, in which case we want to know that it's coming and be able to stop or postpone it. We have undo buttons on emails. It's mad. It's simultaneously awesome and really sad. When did life stop being live-action? When did we have to start pressing play?  

When nature and technology come together...

YEARS from Bartholomäus Traubeck on Vimeo.


A record player that plays tree slices. According to the site, 

A tree’s year rings are analysed for their strength, thickness and rate of growth. This data serves as basis for a generative process that outputs piano music. It is mapped to a scale which is again defined by the overall appearance of the wood (ranging from dark to light and from strong texture to light texture). The foundation for the music is certainly found in the defined ruleset of programming and hardware setup, but the data acquired from every tree interprets this ruleset very differently.

I may have given it up a while ago, but science it really fucking cool sometimes.

2nd 30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 20--Letter to your Cell Phone

Dear Cell Phone,

Sometimes it shocks me to remember that I was alive during a time when your predecessors didn't exist yet...or at least not for the general public. I remember wanting to contact my mom when I was a little kid, but she had left the house and there was NO TELLING WHEN I WOULD BE ABLE TO REACH HER. I was a very easily-worried child, and I remember that I would start like, having small panic attacks because she said she'd be home by 9 and it was 9:17 and WHAT IF SHE WAS LAYING IN A DITCH ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SOMEWHERE?!?!
And then devices like you were born. I earned my first one, not by beating out R for the number one spot in our high school class like my mother wanted me to, but by scaring my whole family to death by getting trapped in an elevator in Maryland alone while trying to meet my sister. But anyway, this letter is supposed to be to you specifically, not just your ancestors and extended family members. 

You are a blue Panetch Impact. Our relationship started in mid-March, as I finally stepped into the 21st century and upgraded to a phone with a keyboard and some touchscreen features. My old one didn't flip, slide, or even have a camera. (I do have to admit, though, it held more than 10x as many text messages as you can. I miss that.) Generally, though it took me a little while to get used to you, I really like you and I'm glad we started this. You do what I ask of you with no complaints and sometimes even surprise me by taking really good pictures. Your calendar lets me be as detailed as my life demands. No data plan = I haven't really explored all your features (sorry...mom still pays for you, you know), but I still feel sleek and modern and cool with you. I'm not embarrassed when it's time to exchange numbers and I pull you out of my pocket.
My friends used to chastise me because I was prone to leaving my phone places for hours and not checking it, but that changed towards the end of my relationship with my ex-phone, because I didn't want to miss any of a certain someone's text messages. Though that's over, I think I'm holding onto the idea of never having you out of arm's reach, which is probably a good thing. At least without the capability to use the internet on you, I will not become one of those smart-phone-addicts. You're smart enough for me. ;) Although I am wondering if you'll hold more texts if I get you a MicroSD card...hmm...

Anyway, I hope we'll be together a good long while (but I got insurance on you just in case),

Maya   

Skype: A Double-Eged Sword

Sometimes I wonder if this distance thing would have been easier or harder if we were doing it 20 years ago before the internet and text messages. Sometimes I feel like all these various means of making the distance feel not as far just make it feel even farther. 

Take, for example, skype. Skyping with him makes me simultaneously deliriously happy and really really sad. I feel like I smiled more in the hour I just spent talking to him than I did in the past four days since we last Skyped. He has that effect on me. But while talking to him face to face(ish), seeing his smile and hearing his voice and remembering how much I love his laugh...while all of those things make me feel soooo good, feel like the distance doesn't matter so much...at the same time it shows me just how far apart we really are. Because if I can see him and I can hear him then dammit, I should be able to hold him. Not being able to touch him while I'm talking to him is the hardest thing to get used to. I miss him so much more when all I can do is blow him a kiss goodnight and close my computer screen and ready myself for the next night in my longggggg series of nights alone.

The ability to see him while I'm talking to him is still absolutely priceless, though. I'm glad I have the chance. Even on this crappy computer that I'm dealing with since mine got stolen. Even if we basically just talk about our mundane lives. Even though it makes the desire to feel him nearly unbearable. Because no one else makes me smile for an hour. This sadness I feel when I say goodbye to him again...it's a sunshower. Does not detract from the overall joy.