This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.

--Alan Watts

(via Serenity in Perspective)

Don’t ask for permission to do what you need to do. Don’t invite people to make your choices for you.
 

--AJ Pacitti, Thought Catalog 

And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling "This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!"

And each day, it's up to you, to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say "No. This is what's important."

--Reblogged from I Wrote This For You

Going back to what I said about regret a little while ago...

Your life has been exactly what it needed to be.  Don’t think you’ve lost time.  It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the current moment.  And every moment of your life, including this one right now, is a fresh start.

--Mark and Angel

The only goals that matter are the ones we set for ourselves. The vision of our lives that matters most is the one we hold for ourselves...Take the leap. If you have to crawl before you can run, crawl. Go at your pace. Take a breather if you need to. This is your journey.

--Leandra, of What My World's Like

When you design your own vision for how you want your life to be, you’re able to tap into desires that you may not have been able to see or feel before. You’re also better able to release your attachment to other people’s approval by taking responsibility for your own goals.

--Rosetta, of  Happy Black Woman

“Take control now. Forget about the negative thoughts which others have told you – that you are too old or too young. Stop letting the thoughts of others rule your life; stop being weak and cowardly, blaming your lack of progress on those negative programs. If you begin now and become a do-er, you will have earned your right to remain here.”

- Thomas D. Willhite

via Clutch Magazine  

I've never thought of myself as "lucky."

The birthday card my dad sent me said in big letters on the front, "This is your year!" And it had a picture of a 20-something Black woman spreading her arms and smiling, like she'd just won life. 

Normally, I think these things are a little cheesy, but this card was so perfectly time for this junction of my life that I wanted to cry. Normally, I think these things are a little cheesy, but this just felt...spot on.

I opened it a day after I had three interviews over four days, and a week before I got offered the position I really really wanted in DC. In the time since, a version of my independent work has been selected for publication in an undergraduate journal the University of Texas puts out and I've won three blog giveaways. I even joked about how I missed having goldfish in my eating club's kitchen for late night snacking, and the very next damn morning I walked downstairs to find a bowl of goldfish. 

In the words of my mother, "Damn it's a good time to be Maya." 

(I'm actually terrified that something is about to go horribly wrong because so many things are going right, but I'm trying not to speak that into existence.)   

Anyway, I'm a little bit shocked, and kind of confused that my life is suddenly awesome, and incredibly grateful, and maybe even a little bit skeptical...but the one thing I don't feel is "lucky". 

I've been thinking for a while about how I think I'm becoming disenchanted with the concept of luck. Not in the sense that I don't think it plays or has ever played any role in my life or in getting me to where I am, because I will always count it among the mysterious forces that brought me to Princeton and the ridiculous wealth of opportunities that attending and *knocks on wood* graduating from this place has given and will give me, but...even in that momentous case, I would only allocate a small percentage of whatever forces brought me here to "luck." (Among other things, I would attribute more of them to a mother who'd felt cheated by her own life and was determined to not let me feel the same way, a few good teachers, the circumstances of my childhood that taught me to look for an escape in books/school, an irrational fear of failure combined with a thorough resourcefulness that led to my having put together an impressive application package, and a little bit to the checking of a particular box, because while I don't think the color of my skin was a making- or -breaking-point for me, it is something they look at...) The truth is, I kind of applied to Princeton on a bit of a whim. I barely got my application in on time, and I was only really applying because my family demanded that I apply to Harvard and it seemed silly to apply to one and not the other. After I sent all my applications in, I actually had panic attacks over a period of months because I thought the admissions committees were going to laugh my application out of every meeting. 

But they didn't. Maybe a couple people laughed at Harvard to get me on the waitlist, but fuck Harvard. I got to tell them I was sick of waiting around for them TWICE! (They wanted me to come up there for an interview for a Research Associate position in like a month, and I was like, uhhhhh, I'ma go to D.C.) Was I lucky? Undoubtedly a little bit. But no amount of luck in the world could have saved me if I hadn't put myself out there.

I used to think I was, like, a particularly unlucky person. I felt like entering giveaways and raffles or prize drawings or whatever was a waste of time because there was no way I was going to win. When I won my first giveaway in March of 2010, I was floored. I had legitimately never won anything in my life. I hadn't quite changed my mind about giveaways yet, though, and only entered very sporadically. I didn't win another one until September of 2011. Over the summer, I started reading more blogs and being aware of more giveaways, and I realized that I have infinitely greater chances of winning something if I enter myself into the drawing rather than if I just let the opportunity go by. And so I resolved to start entering damn near every giveaway I saw. (It was even part of why I finally joined Twitter, because there were so many that I couldn't partake in because they involved tweeting.) Since then, I've won six giveaways: a skincare set, an $88 dress, two t-shirts, an entire line of hair products, an individual hair product, and a bottle of Rihanna's perfume.

Am I lucky? You could say that, I guess, but really my chances were no better than anyone else's...unless those people didn't enter the giveaway. I didn't do anything special. All I did was say, "Why not?" Why not enter the giveaway? Why not apply for the job? Why not run for the position? Why not reach out to the interesting person on the dating site? Why not submit a paper to the undergraduate journal's call for papers? Why not?

Self-promotion. I'm tryna make it a new way of life. It seems to be working for me already.

Reblogged from it'sme...SHANA

Obligatory 2012 post:

So I've been avoiding this post like a mothafucka, but there is no denying that my three-day graduation process begins in exactly six months, which means that it is officially 2012. 

This is probably going to be one of the biggest transition years of my life, and knowing that I'm in it now and basically the beginning of my life is over and I have to try to be an adult now is really. fucking. scary. But I suppose that if your life as a whole doesn't freak you out from time to time, you've probably settled into some routine that is, shall we say, less than stimulating. And maybe you should reconsider your decisions. 


So, without further adieu, here's a recap of what I learned in 2011:


The wonder of being reunited with a family member you've missed for 7 years. That I have the best friends in the world. The delicious joy of falling asleep in and waking up in someone's arms. That in the future I'll have to work on not letting my romantic relationships sort of overshadow the entire rest of my life. How it feels to be rejected from something academic. How to use STATA. How it feels to complete your first substantial piece of independent research. The importance of honest communication, of saying how you feel even if you're not sure how the person you're talking to will take it; silence and acquiescence lead to dangerous assumptions and general trouble. That I should not, in any arena of my life, base my actions primarily upon how I think I'm supposed to feel/think/be/act, but rather upon how I actually feel/think/am/do. To lock. my. shit. up. because Princeton is incredibly safe for people, but not so much for laptops. That I might be a little bit of a nympho. How to not be intimidated by my professors. The joys of shopping on Etsy. To do things with my hair!!! That night shifts at libraries are THE. BEST. JOBS. EVER. That, as I have assumed for years, I actually really can't handle long distance relationships. That Erykah Badu is a mind-blowingly phenomenal performer. That good intentions mean very little in the moment, but can be quite significant in the long run. That I have the best friends in the world (this is important enough to be said twice). That I can let my emotions run away with me. That I'm a pretty decent cook. That my alcohol tolerance is basically too high for drinking in the real world. How to be friends (or at the very least, quite friendly) with an ex. That I can sleep with people I'm not dating (or even interested in romantically) and still respect myself in the morning. How to be more fiscally responsible. How to make a graduation cap work with a fro. That indie Black music and world Black music are PHENOMENAL. That I like Earl Grey with honey. That my mother has cancer. To incorporate many more ways of thinking, acting, feeling, and being into my understanding of Blackness. That my generation is capable of mobilizing politically. That styling tutorials by YouTube vloggers can be fantastic. That things generally come to me frequently more when I put myself out there more actively. How to braid! How kissing a girl feels different than kissing a guy. That hair salons can do wonders for natural hair. How to eat with chopsticks. That I am capable of having real conversations with all of my siblings. How to paint my nails. That my friends from elementary/middle/high school will always be my friends, regardless of how rarely we talk/see each other.

I'm sure I could think harder and come up with more things I learned in 2011, but that list seems exhaustive enough. There were some really tough times and I will freely admit that there were days I spent in tears, but all in all, I'd say it was a good year. I feel as though I spent a lot of this year coming into myself (perhaps as a direct result of having to take myself out of the "we mentality" I'd developed), and I'm delighted with the results.

In 2012, I'm going to have to learn: how to write a thesis. How to leave Princeton, which has played a huge role in creating so much of who and what I am, and the friends I have been realer with than I have been with many people who have known me since childhood, without losing myself. How to not be sobbing in all of my graduation pictures. How to negotiate the fine details of employment in a real person full-time salaried position. How to find an apartment. How to furnish an apartment. How to get around in a new city. How to be a grown woman working in the professional world in a major city. How to keep myself busy without homework. How to make friends out of anything other than proximity.

And who knows what else I'll pick up along the way? As always, I want to continue learning from past lessons and embrace growth and not be afraid of change. I'm going to keep making it work in 2012. After all, this is going to be a big transition year for me. I refuse to stop blossoming.

Reblogged from Indie. Radiant.

 And before I go, I realize that I'm a little late, but I wish all of you joyous new years! May your strategies be effective, your plans go accordingly, and your goals/desires be realized in 2012 (and beyond)! 

         

Ground Rules:

Reblogged from Rosetta over at Happy Black Woman:

  I’ve found that it’s helpful to remember a few truths to ground myself in my own experience, not the experiences of others:

1. I am responsible for my own stuff. This life is mine alone to live and my happiness is mine alone to determine. Whether or not other people approve of my choices is never a good measuring stick for success or fulfillment.
2. I am not responsible for other people’s stuff. (And by “stuff” I mean other people’s desires, hangups, frustrations, or opinions.)

Words to live by:

"It’s crucial to take a sense of humility into the world. By the time you make it to a top graduate school, almost all your learning has come from people who are smarter and more experienced than you: parents, teachers, bosses. But once you’ve finished at Harvard Business School or any other top academic institution, the vast majority of people you’ll interact with on a day-to-day basis may not be smarter than you. And if your attitude is that only smarter people have something to teach you, your learning opportunities will be very limited. But if you have a humble eagerness to learn something from everybody, your learning opportunities will be unlimited. Generally, you can be humble only if you feel really good about yourself—and you want to help those around you feel really good about themselves, too."-- Clayton M. Christensen, liberette Magazine

The next time you think, "I'm such a failure at life,"

imagine Kat George (whom I may or may not have an e-crush on) is whispering this in your ear:

"Look at your mistakes like battle scars and love each one dearly—failing at life is also about adoring your failures because they are etching you out as some sort of person. And even if you’re not entirely sure who that giant failure of a person might be, you’re pretty sure you like them, and besides, it’s been a whole lot of fun becoming them, which is the most perfect way to fail." --Reblogged from Thought Catalog

"Life is just a bunch of stories you go through, and they all end sooner or later." -- Surprisingly poignant blue collar guy in this movie I just watched

 (The movie wasn't really great enough to recommend it. This is the only part you really need.)

Ways to not burn yourself out:

"Ambition becomes counter-productive when you pursue your goals without the humbling realization that things seldom go as planned."

"As you seek to utilize your productive capacity to its fullest, always keep a reserve. Plan it into your day as well as your philosophy. Ambition is a fine thing, so long as it doesn't override opportunity."

This advice is from Scott Belsky, the CEO of Behance and author of the national bestselling book Making Ideas Happen, and quoted in this article about why we all need a margin for error.

I used to feel some kinda way

Another Thought Catalog-inspired post, with Ryan O'Connell as my muse.

I used to think I was a person who happened to be black, as opposed to a Black person. A person who happened to be female, as opposed to a woman. I used to be passive about the way I self-identified. I don't feel that way anymore.  


I used to think I couldn't cook. Two independent summers have proved me wrong. I don't feel that way anymore. Also, landlords aren't necessarily scary and $200 in the bank can stretch further than you'd believe.

I used to blame myself for everything. When something went wrong in my life, I would assume that I had somehow triggered it, and that if I could just try a little harder to be a little bit more perfect, everything would fall neatly back into place. This attitude nearly ran me into the ground many a time in middle/high schools, and whenever it tries to rear its ugly head again, I try to shut it down quick, fast, and in a hurry. 

I used to think being a kid was the WORST and growing up had to be the coolest thing ever. Being your own person, not having to listen to your mom all the time, getting to go where you want and do what you want and buy what you want. Being able to be in charge! I don't feel this way anymore. I certainly still enjoy all those aspects, but responsibilities can be a bitch and sometimes I miss the days when my biggest worry was whether my teacher would call on me in class. 

I used to hate my mother. I thought of her as a crazy tyrant with ridiculous demands. I thought she was going to drive me crazy. I thought she was doing everything she was doing out of spite because she thought I'd ruined her life. I didn't see that she gave everything she could to give me the chance to make more of myself than she thought she had the power to make of herself. I didn't see the sacrifices she made or the holes I could have fallen into if she hadn't been so damned vigilant. I don't feel that way anymore [but I'm sometimes still scared of being a disappointment]. 


I used to not believe in love. I thought I'd seen enough relationships and marriages in my family fall to pieces, tearing people and families apart in the process, that I knew better than to fall. After I entrusted a boy I'd known my whole life with my heart when he asked for it, and he calmly gave it back to me a week later, saying he "wasn't the man I needed him to be yet," and then starting dating a whore girl-who-was-sexually-liberated-at-the-age-of-15 almost immediately, I cemented my belief that love was for fools and no one was worth the kind of pain I found myself wallowing in. I could like boys, sure. I could kiss them and touch them and be pleasured by them in lots of ways. Then along came someone who turned me from mouse to cat, and I fell in silly high school love--the infatuated, want-to-spend-all-my-free-time-with-him, this-is-the-first-time-I've-ever-been-part-of-something-bigger-than-me, I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-but-I-wanna-keep-doing-it kind of love--three years too late and found out the contempt I'd held for Valentine's Day, sappiness, and seemingly impossible scenes from love stories was just desire in disguise. Love did things to me that I didn't know were possible, including but not limited to making me realize that I crave stability more than anything else I have ever wanted.

I used to think my parents were invincible. But now my father has high blood pressure and diabetes, and my mother has kidney disease, and the worry there are not words large enough to express that has made its home in every nook and cranny of my body goes to show that I don't feel that way anymore.

I used to think 25 was ancient, but now that's less than 3 and a half years away and I can't understand how I ever thought I'd have my life together by then. This remains to be seen, but I'm unconvinced. I used to think adults had it all figured out. I know enough already to not feel that way anymore.

I used to be afraid to make mistakes. I used to live my life inside the lines, hoping to just get Thing X right and move on to Thing Y. I used to be afraid to stand up for myself or to really go against the grain at all. I used to be scared to stop doing things I didn't like. I used to be afraid to ask for help. I used to doubt myself and my abilities on the regular. I used to be afraid to LIVE, and thank a God I don't believe in that I don't feel that way anymore.

I also used to think I could do anything I set my mind to, and the sky was the limit, and all of my dreams were realizable. I used to think I could be a Superwoman and wear as many hats as I pleased. I used to think trees were meant for climbing and there's no point in going swimming if you're trying not to get your hair wet. I used to think pancakes sometimes made a great dinner, and libraries were man's greatest invention. And I hope to never live a day when I don't think those things anymore.

Reblogged from Treasured Tresses

...Shit.

Reblogged from Treasured Tresses

Reblogged from Indie. Radiant.

Reblogged from Sister Outsider:

Reblogged from Too Good to be True