Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

--Unknown 

I feel like, every day, I get a little bit closer to not giving a shit what others think of me. It’s big, sweeping, short-lived moments of rebellious fist-waving, and then deep wells of this familiar grief, this prolonged insecurity. And the first thing I must do to heal from it is to fight for it. For my right to it. For every unhealed wound, for every metaphorical (and not) wince at the raise of a hand, for every bit of need I have for the approval of others, for acceptance, for praise, for affirmation. This need is not a weakness. It’s both a natural state of being and a battle scar. I have a right to my history. I have a right to be in-process. Still learning. Still healing.

--Stacy Bias, Insecurity: Imperfect & Unforgiven 

"I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black: it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect." -- June Jordan

Our lives DO depend on self-love and self-respect, though. If we do not love ourselves, how do we take care of ourselves? How do we sacrifice and strive for ourselves without respecting ourselves? But the imperative nature of self-love and self-respect don't describe Blackness or a feminist identity to me...they describe the human condition. We need to love and respect ourselves like we need to breathe and eat and think. 

A Declaration for Self-Affirmation:

I am me.

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.

There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me-my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be – anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.

When I review later how I looked and sounded, what i said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.

~Virginia Satir

Source: But I Love Me More (the newest blog I follow)

The way to do it:

Reblogged from The Write Curl Diary

"Today, make peace with the past, the things you've been through that have brought you to where you are.  Your face, your body, your posture are all reflections of the life you've lived.  Your resilience is a reflection of your beauty.  Reconsider the things you've associated with beauty in the past.  Renew your self-image. 

Today, stop comparing yourself to others and rejoice in yourself.  Life is heartbreaking to each and every once of us.  Since we never know what the next person is going through, we must remember to always be kind.  First with ourselves, then with our fellow man.  Beauty teaches us to see with our hearts." -- GG of Peace Love and Pretty Things

"My challenge to you today: Honor yourself.
Realize that you are beautifully unique & so is your story. Don’t compare yourself to the personal stories & experiences of others. Respect your body, your abilities, your weaknesses. Listen to your heart. Listen to your body. Say No (or Yes) with conviction & proceed with grace.
And while you’re at it, tell your ego to shut its mouth." --Ev'Yan, over at Sex Love & Liberation

So rude, but so true:

I am anything but a simple bitch, so I'ma hafta keep this shit in mind.

30 Day Letter Challenge--Day Eighteen: To the Person You Wish You Could Be

Dear Maya of My Dreams,

You're actually seriously confident, instead of this fake bravado shell confidence you put forth now. You are no longer ashamed of things that shouldn't shame you. You can take a compliment. You will also be able to take criticism well. You're more open-minded, but haven't lost any of your beliefs. You meditate as often as you want to. You aren't afraid to admit that rock/alternative is probably your favorite music genre, despite the color of your skin. You now what you want, and then make plans and action steps to get it. You're strong without being a rock. You're smart without being reserved. You're spontaneous without being stupid. You choose wisely and love freely and live well. You spend less time on makeup and hair removal and appreciate your natural beauty. On that note, you accept that you are naturally beautiful. You accept and embrace your past, treasuring it because it made you who you are, and you will also be able to let the past go and realize that most of the things that happened then do not matter anymore. You find ways to compromise with other people without compromising yourself. You find a way to make each day an adventure, and a success. You respect yourself in your every thought and action. You know when to care what other people think and when to just do your own thing. You don't get nervous when you're speaking in public, and can remain outwardly calm in stressful situations. You don't feel like such a freak for not wanting the things most people want. You don't analyze your life so much. You're comfortable with your body. You have the most awesome jewelry organizer ever. You can make anywhere you go be fun, even if it's boring old ML. You still have the best best friends in the whole orld. You're better at keeping in touch with people. You try new things even if they scare you. You don't worry so much about everything. You're less of a perfectionist and less of a procrastinator. You're an optimist. You remember to send cards to people on their birthdays. You have a savings account with money in it...preferably more money than is in your checking account. You've gotten back in touch with your artistic side, preferably in the form of paint and/or clay. You make music again on a semi-regular basis. You are happy. You are loved, and you love in return. You've stopped setting such unrealistic impossibly high standards for everything. You know how to really relax. You are patient. You are tolerant. You come to terms with how you feel about spirituality. You have concrete goals. You're independent without seeming like you don't need anybody else, you are fierce without seeming angry. Hell, maybe you're even a little playfully dangerous. Your head and your heart are no longer at war. You've stopped biting your nails. 

You're generally an awesome person, and I'm striving to become more like you every day.

<3,

The imperfect (but still hopefully kind of cool) Maya of today

30 Day Letter Challenge--Day Thirteen: To Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

Dear Me,

You do realize that you can't be perfect, right? Like, despite the crazy expectations people have had for you over the years, it's actually not possible. Impossible is nothing is a great motto until you keel over and die at 45 from all the stress and lack of happiness in your life. I really need you to stop treating every slight mishap as a total failure, and regarding yourself the same because of it. You don't always have to be the best, or the one on top, or the one who gets the credit for doing whatever. You don't always have to be in charge. It's okay to not always have an S on your chest...you're a strong woman, and a sensual woman, and a sassy woman, and a smart woman, but you don't have to be a superwoman. You really don't. It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes. It's okay to not know the answers to certain questions. It's okay to not always be smiling and happy. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to feel like you're in over your head. If running this conference for the past week has taught you anything about superstrength, it's that it's the most exhausting thing in the world, and it WILL wear you down. Regular strength and savvy can come in and save the day though, as long as you keep pushing through. Ask for help when you need it. Stop trying to take on the whole world with one hand tied behind your back; you'll lose your balance. Accept the fact that you are and have to be human, and accept it with poise and grace. It's not really something you should have to forgive, but forgive yourself for needing to eat and sleep and breathe and take care of yourself. These things are more important than leaping tall buildings in a single bound...

Just looking out for the both of us,

Maya

Honestly?

A. "Honesty is the best policy." -- Benjamin Franklin

B. "A half truth is a whole lie" -- Yiddish Proverb

C. "People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty." -- Richard J. Needham

D. "Society can only exist on the basis that there is some amount of polished lying and that no one says exactly what he thinks." Lin Yutang

Pick the statement with which you agree the most. Can they all be true??

I was always told to be honest. All the time, in all situations. And when that could not be the case, I was told simply to never ever lie to the people I love, because they above all else, deserve respect. We shouldn't be afraid to hurt the feelings of the people that matter the most, for those people deserve to have us as we really are. If truth is a virtue, then these are the virtues upon which I was raised. You are polite, courteous, and decidedly fake amongst strangers and people who have power and control over us. You are real and true and rough and gritty with everyone else. To that, I have recently added that above all else, you must be real and true and rough and gritty with yourself.

Even more recently, I have been told that I am decidedly wrong. That I should be polite to everyone, even the people I care most about. That if I care about them then I should care enough not to say anything that might hurt them. Which to half of me, makes sense. But to the other half, I feel like if I can't be my self, honestly really and truly myself, with my closest friends, then when can I ever really be me?

My friends say that hurting people doesn't define me. I never said it did, but I feel like my feelings define me, and if I can't express myself freely, isn't that lying to myself? That breaks a cardinal rule.

I'm not a Christian, but doesn't somewhere in that Book of theirs, it say "To thine own self be true"? My goal for this year and the rest of my life is to love myself above all else. If I censor myself so that my friends love me too, isn't that like cheating myself out of something? Is it worth it to be loved?