Thursday, July 28, 2011

I sent this email to my girl J...

...but I want to share it with the rest of you too, because this is something I've been wrestling hard with for the past 24ish hours:

So I've been thinking long and hard about this over the past 24ish hours, and this is my plan. There's no way for me to have the total up front like I did last year (most of my savings from the summer will go to the Maya-has-to-buy-a-new-laptop fund), so I'll have to get on the monthly payment plan. I've already emailed my supervisor at my library job at Lewis right now about continuing to work maybe 10 hours a week or so; haven't heard back from her but there are lots of similar jobs I can apply for if for some reason she says no. I'm slightly worried about trying to manage a job and the rest of my life, but I should be able to use a desk job as mostly homework-doing time anyway, so it should be alright. I'm almost positive it will be alright, but if after a month or two I think this arrangement makes my life too stressful, then I reconsider and hey, I tried, and I'm only out [whatever the monthly amount is x2] and I've had two more months of great times with my 'Drangler family. But I really think it will be manageable.
My mom's going to freak out when I tell her and tell me it's not worth it and I won't have time and I'll be way too stressed and lots of other things I've been tossing around in my head, but it's my life. And over this past year, Quad became my life [though I want to make more of an effort to stop ignoring my pre-Quad friends and commitments this year, haha], and there's honestly no way I can imagine choosing to walk away from it. It was only by the grace of some administrative oversight that I got to build my relationship with this club entirely on the University's/Mellon May's dime last year; I'm thankful for that because I don't think I would have started it otherwise, but everything that the club has given me is certainly worth the absolutely non-crushing amount of money I'll need to make working [the University/Mellon will still cover most of it] to stay in it. I don't need any extra help; this plan is feasible.
Thank you so much for all of your help and whatever strings you were willing to pull, though. You made me feel all loved and valued and whatnot. Basically you're the best, but I hope you already know that.


E> Maya <3

PS: Besides, I can't trust B**** to run study breaks or not insult everyone all the time or, you know, live a successful life without his other half! 

I will hate myself more for not trying than for "unnecessarily" spending this money now; I know I will.

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