Sunday, August 29, 2010

Patience is one of those virtues I REALLY need to learn. So is...

tolerance.

It's like, there are things I think are okay, and then there are things I don't think are okay whatsoever. There are varying degrees of these judgments, and I pass them more heavily or less heavily depending on how much I know and love the person being judged. (I sound like such a terrible person already.) I don't like to think this makes me intolerant, though. I like to use words like opinionated and steadfast...I just don't compromise on my beliefs well. I always thought standing up for one's beliefs was a good thing...
But this causes drama in my daily life sometimes. Because, okay, when talking about beliefs and theoretical happenings, my friend/acquaintance/potential-significant-other and I can disagree vehemently and loudly and staunchly, but realize this is all hypothetical and theoretical and go back to being friends/acquaintances/(potential) significant others and it's nbd. --That is, usually. Some of my friends don't seem to understand the way I was raised to have arguments and get offended/hurt. Conversely, I don't understand their "arguments" and get pretty ticked off when they speak quietly instead of showing their anger...bad things happen on both ends.-- BUT, when someone, particularly a very close friend (or I suppose a significant other), actually DOES something that falls under the "things-I-don't-think-are-okay-whatsoever" category, I just don't know what to do. How do you reconcile if-I-just-met-you-and-knew-this-about-you-I-probably-wouldn't-like-you with I've loved you all my life and don't understand who I'd be without you? I mean, I've-loved-you-all-my-life-and-don't-understand-who-I'd-be-without-you TOTALLY and OBVIOUSLY wins out, but how do I stop the harsh judgment? How do I not be...utterly disappointed? How do I stop worrying whether you're slowly becoming someone I love but don't really like? (Is that even possible? Does that mean I have some huge underlying problem, if I can love people without liking them? We're not there yet, but I see possibilities and they frighten me.)
 

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