*ten minutes later*

I just went out and stood barefoot in the grass and looked up at the stars through the clouds and breathed. I feel a little better. I've never really been a gung-ho nature person, but sometimes when everything just feels like too much, I need a reminder that whatever I'm dealing with is tiny when compared with the world, and nature can be that reminder pretty easily.

What I really want, though, is the ocean. I want to go swimming and feel that weightlessness, like nothing is holding me down and things that are normally impossible are now totally feasible. I want to sit on the shoreline and take in its massiveness and remember that I am so, so small. I want to be knocked down by something as tangible and understandable as a big wave and see how easy it is to stand back up. I want to walk along the wet sand collecting all the perfect seashells and marvel at the ability of something so fragile to withstand all the ocean has to throw at it. I want sunshine. I want blue skies and salty air. I want...peace.