Inside the mind of a kind of quirky, pretty stubborn, way too opinionated, twenty-something, heteroflexible Black female newly employed up-and-moved-to-DC Princeton GRADUATE who's just trying to sort out her life. An uninhibited celebration of all that is me, this blog is an exercise in self-discovery and live-with-your-heart-wide-open-ness. Though I make respect a habit, I will not always be politically correct, and I believe in the power of making audiences uncomfortable to inspire change.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
My Sappiness Disgusts Me.
30 Day Letter Challenge--Day One: Your Best Friend.
*Disclaimer: I have lots of besties, but this calls for me to pick just one, so I'll pick the one who loves letters. I think she deserves it most anyway*
Dear *****,
No lie, I have no fucking idea how I survived without you when we were going through stupid teenage drama and didn't talk for a few years. Now if I go two days without hearing from you, I'm like, COME BACK TO ME, MY LOVE! *withdrawal*
I saw this little black girl and this little asian girl making a sandcastle at the beach yesterday, and it made me think of you.
You're one of the few (and growing fewer) people in this world that I feel like I can be totally real with all the time, and get the same in return. That means I call you on your bullshit and you call me on mine. It means that when you're going through a rough time I'll run around to all the weird little shops in the town of Princeton and make you a basket of loveliness to remind you of how wonderful you are. It means I can post vague random and weird messages on your Wall and always expect a response that is usually a phone call, as opposed to at WTF?!? It means that even though you're supposed to be the crazy ninja, I am always lurking in the shadows with 2 cans: one of mace and one of whoop-ass, prepared to fight off whatever nasty little demons life throws your way.
YOU'RE ALWAYS FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT MY LIFE. And I claim that this bothers me, but really it's just one more thing on my never-ending list of reasons to keep you around. Sometimes I feel like I'm this crazy balloon that would just go floating off into a land of all my fears and worries and dreams and random ponderings, and you're like, the adorable little teddy bear weight that keeps me tethered to the ground.
So I guess I wanna say thanks for dealing with the ball of craziness that is me, and let you know that you're kind of the best and I don't really know what I'd do without you. And now that that silly boy is out of the picture, I shall return to my plan to make you mine!!!! mwahahaha *Steal*
In all seriousness though, until something crazy happens in the future, you are the love of my life.
<3,
Maya
Thursday, July 8, 2010
So I should try something new, right?
But what about when the things you're doing are conflicting? I usually punk out and don't say the things I want to say until it's too late, and miss whatever chance I might have had.
So I should say something before he leaves, right?
I also almost unfailingly try to have control over every uncontrollable aspect of my life (Impossible is nothing.) and have the tendency to get angry/self-destructive when placed in unpredictable situations. I'm a control freak, and this doesn't really work too well for my life.
So I should just go with the flow, right? That's what people keep telling me. But going with the flow means saying nothing, which has failed me in the past. But saying something means putting pressure on a tender situation that could end before it starts. But even if I was gonna say something, this is the kind of conversation that should happen face to face, not while I'm a thousand miles away and he's packing to go even farther.
So what do I do when I'm trying to open myself to the idea of intimacy and the concept of commitment, but one leg wants to run while the other begs to stay, and one hand pulls the wrist of the one that's covering my mouth, and the butterflies in my stomach flutter between fear and fantasy?
I jumped into this game without knowing the rules or the objective, and I haven't really been keeping track but I think it's my turn, and the clock is ticking and I have to make a move. If my only options are $10 grand or bankruptcy, do I even spin wheel?
I have to. Right? You can't ever learn to fly if you're scared to take both feet off the ground. But jump before you're ready and you're only gonna fall.
What do I do when even the choices are driving me insane and I can't have both? Is there a neither that's not the same as none?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
"..."
Anyway, this is a post about a quote! The last words of the last chapter I read of this book before bed last night have been on my mind all day...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Most embarassing moment?
Hmmm...probably when I dropped it so low at a party at the field center that my jeans actually ripped in like 3 places and I had to make my friend who was visiting walk very closely behind me to the coat rack so I could tie my jacket around my waist and then try to get back to my room as quickly as possible, XD
Are you a proud virgin, or do you wish you weren't?
hmm...neither? Simply, it wouldn't have been right with my ex, so I don't regret not having had sex with him. I'm certainly not waiting for marriage or anything like that, but for something at least semi-serious.
"Ah, the things we do for boys..."
While we were chatting with our boys we were also chatting with each other, and I was complaining to her about how I hate this whole "talking" situation (if we're even there yet? I've never been "talking" before, I don't really know the parameters), because I hate flirting. It makes me feel like a girl. And I mean that in the like, girls have cooties way.
And trust me, I'm not trying to hate on females or femininity. I love being feminine. I love feeling like a woman. I just hate feeling like a confused 12 year old girl at a loss for what to say next.
So when I told this to my friend, she said, "So flirt like a woman."
...I've been trying to figure out what that means.
And I guess it's kind of like a lot of other things I'm trying to do now that I'm *clears throat* in my twenties. It's like, it's time to start doing things for me, you know? How and why and the way I want to do them. It's time to be myself, not the person people expect me to be or want me to be or think I should be, but the person I want to be and like being. I mean, I'm really kind of tired of doing things for other people, you know? (Not in the like, helping people sense, but in the conforming to norms and other people's wants sense.) At the end of the day when you crawl into bed all that really matters is how you feel about yourself.
So I should stop doing things I feel like I have to do to be flirty. One of the big goals in my life right now is to be genuine, and I think what's making me feel 12 is thinking of guys as a game with rules and molds that I need to fit into. Fuck that mentality, man. Fuck Cosmo and Seventeen magazine; I'm not seventeen. And fuck Ten Ways to Fuck Your Man so Good He'll Never Leave.
How about being sincere? How about being genuine? How about being real? How about being me and saying fuck him if that's not good enough? How about being strong enough to be these things all the time, regardless of the situation or the people it involves?
I gave him one real genuine not second-guessed compliment last night, and I could tell he could tell it was different. Instead of a "haha" or a smile or a wink, he said, "wow. such a nice thing to say" and I said, "I mean it" and then he smiled and that smile felt real...(well as real as a facebook emoticon can feel...)
That feels like a good direction to go in. *tentatively takes a first step*
BGLH Meetup
So two Saturdays ago I journeyed down to this neighborhood called Kenwood on the South Side, and went to a Naturals Meet Up for women with natural hair in the Chicago area. If that's not cool enough, it was run by this woman named Leila who writes this blog I've been reading since last year (bglhonline.com <--check it out) and I got to meet her and personally thank her for being awesome, haha.
So in addition to with a bag full of cool unique new artisan jewelry and a basic knowledge of the fundamentals of bellydancing (!), I left this meet up with a renewed sense of self-worth and validation. I still remember one of the first things my new coworkers said to me on my first day at my internship was that they loved my hair. Here I have actually been stopped on the street numerous times to be given compliments about it. And coming from Mays Landing, NJ, where I struggle to remember a time when I have ever even seen another natural woman, this means a lot.
At the meet up I saw women with hairstyles I'd never have thought of but now want to try, and got cool new tips--I might try henna!--but the things I'll probably never forget about this experience are the great things other natural women said to me. I went up to this one woman I'd been ogling throughout the entire discussion to compliment her on how beautiful her curls were, and she smiled and thanked me and then said that she's incredibly jealous of the way my hair falls. While I was at the product-swap table (you know free is just my price, haha), this new natural came up to me "just dying" to know what products I use, and when I told her my basic staples, a woman nearby said, "Ain't none of that gon make your hair curl like that though. That's your natural curl pattern, ain't it?" And I smiled and said yeah and the look on the woman's face made me feel really really proud, proud in a different way than if Darnell likes my shoes or the woman at the bus stop likes my dress, and in a more important way.
Proud because I'd finally accepted the true beauty that lies in something I'd tried to hide and destroy for years and years, and because despite what certain other people in my life--**cough** my mother **cough**--think, the world is beginning to accept it to. Proud like a peacock must be proud of his feathers, or a lion of his mane. When I was going to the gas station to get more money to buy more jewelry (don't judge me), an older black woman sitting in her car stopped me and said, and I quote, "I haven't seen this many afros since the sixties!" I explained what was going on and that she should drop by and check it out...I'm proud of how far we've come.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Flutterbyes
I mean, butterflies are pretty remarkable creatures in and of themselves.
There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly. ~Richard Buckminster FullerThink about it...in a span of about a month, these creatures go through a physical (and I suppose mental) transformation that is so powerful that, when everything is said and done, they are unrecognizable as their former selves. Almost every culture throughout history has attributed powers of change to the butterfly, and many believed they represented the soul and all that is good and light.
And I can totally understand that, because every time I see a butterfly fluttering over trash and broken glass on the sidewalk or dodging cars on the busy highway, there is a small moment of joy in the midst of my hectic day as I stop to say "Hello butterfly."
I think what I'm supposed to take out of this is that no matter where I am, even if it's the dead of winter, I should find something to be my day's butterfly.
Monday, June 28, 2010
3 of my greatest fears
I'm a better artist with a pencil and paper, I promise. But I think this kind of explains the current problems in my life. I realized that I have this tendency to bounce back and forth between guys, pining wholeheartedly over a certain guy for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden being "kinda over it" and sometimes very quickly moving on to a different guy. It's generally three guys in rotation. And just last night I realized that this rotation is really my weird manifestation of a fear of commitment: I play around with the idea of these guys being more than just my friends, but at the first sign that something could happen, I usually run as soon as my ponderings move from fantasy to reality.
I can give myself totally to my friends. I can give myself totally to my schoolwork. I can give myself totally to whatever projects I take on. I can give myself totally to a job. I guess I'm really an all-or-nothing kind of girl, in a quirky and particular way, and the power this gives everything else in my life over me actually terrifies me. I'm kind of a control freak who never ever really feels like she's in control. But if I can give all these other things so much power over me, despite it being terrifying and nauseating and stressful, why does the idea of giving myself totally to someone romantically make me want to stick my head under the sand til I'm 90? When did love get put into the "not-worth-it" bin?
And more importantly, how can I get it out?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Never Let Them See You Cry
So the founder and CEO of my company picked me up for work this morning, which kind of made me feel like she valued my presence enough to personally ensure that I safely got to this morning's 8:00 meeting at one of our partner schools, but my value in terms of human capital evidently ended there (i.e. in my head) today for both her and my supervisor. As soon as we got there, suddenly I was just the person to carry things and set things up and pass things out and collect them. (They sent me over to the group they weren't leading to "observe" and I actually kind of supervised and facilitated a little bit...but shhh don't tell them. I'll be slapped on the wrist or something.) I was that person at our 11:30 meeting at another partner school as well, but these strategic planning sessions are really kind of just selling our company to teachers (who are pretty reluctant as they end their school years and have summer on the brain), so I can see how that would really be a job for just the founder/CEO and my supervisor, the director of our summer program for teachers and administrators. What I don't understand is why I need to be present at these sessions if I'm not doing anything productive...but that's not even my issue.
My issue stems from what happened when we got back to the office. Since I'd been out and about accompanying the two of them to four meetings in the previous 24 hours, I had about 30 unread emails and two missed phone calls and just...a lot of shit of my own to handle. Then my supervisor laid a bunch of shit in my lap with total disregard for the fact that I have projects of my own that she's unrelated to entirely that I needed to work on--granted, what she needed me to do had a more immediate need, but still...I hate the way she says "we" need to do this and "we" need to do that when she really means me--and then kept making it seem like it was my fault we were running around til the last second trying to get stuff done. Like, I'm sorry I didn't have the powerpoints printed, but you didn't even have them finalized til 25 minutes before the meeting was supposed to start, at which time I was outside carrying in all the food from the caterer. God.
But again, this is just setting the stage...my real problem happened at the facilitator's meeting. After she made me literally run through the hallways of Manley high school like a crazy woman in my heels getting everything ready, my supervisor made me leave during introductions to go get more soda so I didn't even get to introduce myself to the group. After a whole day of print these, copy these, put folders together, go put tape in the hallway for the Icebreaker Activity, go around and collect the journals, go to the cafeteria to put ice in the cooler to chill the drinks, go go go go go I felt like such a "gopher". (Go-for this, go-for that. Gopher.) I felt like there could be a machine that did for them the things I'd done all day, and that is not what they told me this internship would be. In fact, it is what they vehemently swore this internship would not be. I was told I would be a trusted and valued member of a core team, with real responsibilities that would have a lasting impact on this company...
...And what finally pushed me over the edge into the massive sobfest I had earlier and the angry rant I'm writing now proved to me that there's a chance I may never actually become a valued member of this team, because my supervisor basically told me today that my opinions are not worthy of being heard. This isn't the first time she's said this, but before it was my first day and she phrased it as if it was just too early for me to speak up in important meetings because I wasn't yet familiar with what was going on, which at the time was entirely true so I didn't question it. But today...
So the founder/CEO asked the group for ideas regarding items that would universally help the facilitators of the school team planning sessions at this giant teacher's conference I'm working to plan, a toolkit of sorts that we could equip each facilitator with relating to the school they're working with to help them get in the zone. People were tossing out ideas back and forth, and being ever so careful not to step on anyone's toes by talking over them, I raised a finger and opened my mouth, waiting for a lull in the conversation to put forth my idea. After having attended and taken notes on every single strategic planning session with the school teams over the course of the last three weeks, I'd developed a pretty good idea of what each school team is looking for during the conference and what programs they have that are and aren't working, as well as the specific areas in which they need the most help. I'd say, in fact, that it is part of my JOB to know these things about these schools...or so I have been led to believe.
I had a really great idea. A lot of the schools we'd been in over the past few weeks had mentioned how difficult it is to coordinate among the various different programs and committees and organizations that work within each school, despite the fact that they're all supposedly working towards the same goals. Even in the group discussion I'd (secretly) helped to facilitate that morning, the principal of the school we were in kept dismissing goals the teachers wanted to meet as the responsibility of so-and-so-other-group, highlighting the lack of both communication and positive reinforcement between these groups. So I thought that one tool that would be great for facilitators would be a list of the other various groups and programs that exist within the school they're working with, complete with a description of the specific ways in which those groups can assist in the meeting of the school team's goals and the contact information for the leader of each group. And just as I was about to say this...
...my supervisor shot me a look of death and shook her head, 'No,' silently telling me I was not allowed to speak. That it was an inappropriate time for my opinions to be expressed. That my contributions were so entirely devalued in this situation that I might as well save my breath. And I must have given her a look like wtf do you mean no, woman? because she pantomimed writing something, so I wrote down my idea and passed it across the table to her. She wrote back that that was something we should include...and yet I hadn't been allowed to say it. The hierarchy within a corporation that swears up and down that it abhors "adultism" and exalts the expression and incorporation of "youth voice" would not allow me, the youngest person in the room with the freshest eyes on the situations at hand, speak my mind, regardless of how credible my ideas were. That's not only hypocritical, in the context of the work my company tries to do, it's just plain wrong.
And THEN. About five minutes later, the woman sitting to my right speaks up and says, Hey, wouldn't it be nice if we could get a list of all the other things going on within our schools that relates to Student Development? And a woman on the other side of the room agrees that that's a great idea, and a guy says that it would be a lot of work but could we include blurbs, and our CEO raves about how great an idea that is and it is all I can do to hold my jaw from dropping to the floor. That was my idea first! And I knew it was a great idea, and my supervisor knew it was a great idea, and I'm supposed to be the valued team-member Princeton intern who is respected and appreciated, but I was silenced and those other people got credit for my idea. I could have been the one getting cool points with the CEO. This could have been my chance to prove that Hey look, I belong at this table. Because I do, and they told me I would. But my supervisor's actions today made me feel like I didn't belong at the table, and if I can't belong at the table, then their whole spheel about student involvement and youth voice and bringing high school kids to the table is a total and complete load of bullshit.
I sat there through the rest of the meeting silently fuming and controlling my desire to walk out and never look back. And as the meeting was wrapping up, my supervisor whispered to me asking me to start cleaning up the food and taking everything back down to the office...back to my role of gopher/maid/my-supervisor's-personal-bitch...
I want to remind them that this is not what I signed up for. I want to take the internship description they wrote out and gave me and staple it to their foreheads. I want to say HEY LOOK, YOU ASKED ME TO COME HERE, SO ACT LIKE I MATTER, KTHNX. I want to play the Princeton card, and the in-less-years-than-there-are-fingers-on-my-hand-my-credentials-will-be-higher-than-yours-ever-will card. I want to feel like I have some merit...they didn't hire me because I was some little wimp who would lie down and take whatever people deigned to throw me--anybody who has ever met me knows I ain't down with shit like that. They didn't hire me because I begged and pleaded for their sympathy; I had other offers I turned down to come here. I want to tell them that I won't stand for this, but I signed a contract so I don't think I'm allowed to leave...and what force do I have if all I can make is empty threats? But I don't like this. I don't like this at all, and unless I get a dramatic apology tomorrow (which I highly doubt), then I don't know if I can continue to have faith in my own company. And once you lose that...then what's the point? I'm too young to hate what I do!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Chicago Bucket List
I got to feeling pretty lonely--go figure--and after a great but unexpected pep talk from a friend who's probably going to become a lot closer, I decided to make a Chicago Bucket List: a great big list of awesome shit I want to do while I'm here. I'm determined to do all of it. And I've already basically wasted 20% of my time here, so it's time to kick it into high-gear.
I need to stop being a little bitch about doing things by myself; I'm not going to have much fun if I sit around waiting for someone else to want to have fun with me. New motto: make every day an adventure!
Here's my list. I'll probably add to it from time to time, and I'll be sure to come back and cross things off as they get accomplished. Feel free to comment and suggest other awesome Chicago things to do!
Pondering the Possibilities of the Possibilities
When I know a guy likes me, I have trouble figuring out if I like him too, or if I just like being liked, you know? Which is a pretty big issue, because I may be a flirt...okay fine I am a flirt, but the guys I really care about I care about deeply. I don't want to hurt them...and I don't want to hurt myself by hurting them.
I'm scared that I'm getting too caught up in the possibilities to really think about the person they're based on. I mean, really think about him; not just about something he said or the way he held me. If I could succeed in shutting out all the circumstances and possible consequences and the inside of my head was just this big empty white room with Me and Him, what would I want?
But is that even the right way to think about his? Maybe my head should be as crowded as the Printer's Row Literary Fair I went to yesterday, where there are thousands of people milling around. Would he be the one to catch my eye? Would I gravitate towards him in the crowd?
Do I have to know all of this now? I feel like I focus so hard on what could go wrong, like Tantor in Tarzan standing on the edge of the water asking "Is this water sanitary? And what about bacteria?" At this rate I'll never go swimming, you know? But do swimmers ever wonder how the water they're pushing out of the way feels? Is getting my feet wet worth possibly murdering scores of animals I can't even see?
Is wanting to be held the same as wanting him to hold me? Is liking things about him probable cause enough to try? I don't think it could work...would I be using him? No, I suppose I'd be giving as much as I'd get...I'm not that kind of girl.
Nope, I'm the kind of girl that's only impulsive when she's overly emotional...or when she's drunk...and the rest of the time over-thinks and rationalizes and beats things to a bloody pulp inside her own head...
...and I guess what everyone's telling me is I should take the chance, if it's offered.
If we do the unthinkable, would it make us look crazy? Or would it be so beautiful...? Either way I'm sayin, "If you ask me, I'm ready."
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
So I Probably Should Have Realized this Sooner...
Monday, May 31, 2010
Lessons Chicago Taught Me...
- Airport shuttles are an epic win over taxis.
- Plastic bags were not meant to transport $112 worth of groceries by hand own 5.5 city blocks.
- Cities are very lonely places when you don't know anyone in them yet.
- The people who are supposed to give you information you need, won't; harass them via email.
- You will never remember to buy all the things your kitchen needs. Ever.
So Here's What I Know, Post Hookup...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A Discourse on Discourse
between parole, the faculty of language,
and langue, its conceptual existence.
English only pretends to.
We have separate words,
speech and language,
but lazily we lump them together,
call them synonyms. Interchangeable.
In France, Canada, Senegal, Haiti,
our concept of language
is unattainable.
Chomsky and all his friends agree,
inventing two languages,
I and E. You can only have I,
and many debates will heat up
over whether E even exists.
They cut out our tongues
and we lost our writing, too.
They have robbed you of your speech.
They have placed the toughest P.O.
on your parole. You can only have I,
and it is specific to you.
Your tone, your style, these too are gone
with the lost your most immediate capacity.
The French draw a distinction.
Analysts will call them more precise.
Perhaps they only know the value of a voice.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
If Facebook Gives Me
I AM GOING TO SCREAM.
...that is all.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Dear Diary,
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Honesly, I'm lonely. I don't mean just in that I-miss-my-firends-and-my-other-life way that I get every time I come home from school, but really... Sorry India, but "Sometimes I'm alone but never lonely" is not hapening in my life right now. And it sucks becase when my best friend wants to talk about what I think the normal timeline for exchanging those special words with her boyfriend are, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna stand around awkwardly in Spencers while she looks at...haha she does not need me putting her info out there like that, lol. Watching my mom cuddle and flirt with her boyfriend makes me sick. My little sister has a better relationship status on Facebook than I do, and I'm sick of it!
Wanted: a person I can count on to go to dinner with me when my roommates are busy, to cuddle with me when I've been drinking or just feel like holding something other than my teddy bear, to chat with me on AIM or (even better) on the phone when I feel like having a good conversation, to think playing Scrabble with me or going to get cookies from Murray Dodge at midnight is a good study break.
My roommate woul tell you I've got lots of options. I really wish I could believer her. My friend says it's all about confidence. I wish I could tell her thatI can't even tell if my confidence is real or a front. I don't really know what I have to offer to anyone except that which everyone else seems to think I shouldn't be willing to part with so easily. Everything else I will give to anyone I consider a close friend...as much of myself as I can bear to part with. I spend a lot of time wondering if I'm intimidating. I try to be mor and more feminine because I'm scared that the guys I spend the most time with don't think of me as a girl. I spent my whole adolescence being one of the guys and I don't want to make that mistake again. But now I'm also scared that I might be intimidating. Can I be a leader without being untouchable? Even a female friend of mine has joked that I'm trying to take over the school... The fact that I'm not a small woman probably doesn't help, and my hair probably doesn't either. Can I be fierce without being unlovable? Damn society and its norms.
I'm torn between feeling like I'm spreading myself too think and feeling like I'm not doing enough. Everyone I talk to says it's the former and I can't handle doing anything else. They're probably right, but I tell them I'd make it work. I want to be doing more. And what scares me is that I think I'm distracting myself again, avoiding all the bad stuff by making myself too busy to worry about any of it. Just writing that down makes it seem true.
But I don't get it because I'm doing all these things that make me happy right now. Like going natural, and using (mostly) natural products, and (okay this needs to start up again) going to the gym in efforts to be happier with my body, and writing poetry that matters to more people than just the subject and the object, and keeping this blog, and meditating, and trying my best to make my friends happy without losing myself in the process. Even my grades are up this semester.
But I've been shopping a lot. A LOT. And while I love shopping, that scares me because it's hard to know my real motives when I shop. Is it really because Spring is here or because I'm on this natural kick or because I need stuff to wear to the office in the summer? Or is it all falling down--am I a young black female addicted to retail? I feel more confident when I know I look good. A compliment can improve my mood dramatically. Is that necessarily a problem?
I guess what I'm scared of is whether these things that let me be myself and love myself might keep other people from loving me.
...But I guess the people these things could be a turn-off for probably shouldn't be the kind of people I'd want loving me anyway, huh?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Bringing Home a White Boy
I think she makes a valid point; if anything, the flurry of articles about black female singledom (yes I just made that word up) have proven that the numbers simply aren't there. But I'm not a fan of the way she sort of glosses over the difficulties that come with dating outside your race: she makes it seem like being veritably disowned by your family and possibly your friends is a sacrifice black women should be willing to make unquestioningly, and I just can't agree with that.
I'm not gonna claim personal experience, because the white guy I have dated was just...not the right kind of person for me, and I was aware of that from the beginning, so I can't really tell whether the backlash I received from my friends and family was from the fact that he was white, the fact that he wasn't good for me, or some combination of the both.
And then there's just the peculiar problems of being biracial. I don't want to have kids, but if I did, I wouldn't want them to feel like friends I have who have circles of white friends and circles of black friends and feel like only half of them is ever in each group. I want to be able to talk about black power and celebrate Kwanzaa in my house...maybe I'm not open-minded enough, but I don't see a possibility in which I could be married to a white guy and keep these things.
But I don't think that means I wouldn't be willing to try. I'd just...have to be entirely sure the relationship is worth the strife.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Come Hell or High Water
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Interview Hair
Wish me luck!
Monday, February 15, 2010
If There's a Prize for Rotten Judgment...
I hate that today is the day after yesterday--it's like the Universe plays this cruel trick on my where I can never unlink the two.
Last April, after two and a half years, he made a Facebook to find me and sent me a message that literally made my knees give out and sent me crashing down into my chair. It was a Friday afternoon and I was instantly crying and trying not to let my mascara run because I had Spanish 108 in about ten minutes. He wanted to talk. He wanted me back. It took a lot of soul-searching and friend-conferring and determination not to scream and (this was a fail) not to cry before I called him. We talked for almost two hours, a lot of it me being stronger than I'd known I could and firmly saying that we could be friends, but too much had happened for us to be anything more; we weren't the people we were then. My roommate congratulated me, but that night I couldn't sleep; I just felt so empty. I wound up sneaking out into the living room curling up in the window seat and sobbing so hard I woke her up and then screamed at her when she came to console me.
The next day I spent hours and hours listening to Ne-yo's "Do You" on repeat, wondering if my decision had been a mistake too. I messaged him back and said that maybe I'd been wrong and obviously I wasn't comfortable with my decision and maybe we should try and he said no, that I'd been right and he wasn't right for me anymore. He said we could still be friends. And then he deleted the Facebook he'd made to find me and I haven't heard from him again.
I deleted his number after a few months, trying to reclose that chapter of my life.
Facebook still had it. Wasn't that hard to find.
I know it's a bad idea, but I really want to contact him before the day is over. Now that I can, I want to wish him a Happy Birthday. And it's not just because of yesterday--it's not! I promise. I really meant it when I said I wanted him to stay a part of my life, that I wanted us to be friends. And it really hurt me when he took that as an opportunity to walk back out of my life again. So I shouldn't even be considering giving him the chance to come back in, right?
Meg's song from Hercules seems appropriate here:
"If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation...it's ancient history--been there, done that. (Who you think you kiddin, he's the Earth and Heaven to ya; try to keep it hidden, honey we can see right through ya... *insert all the words I've forgotten here* I thought my heart had learned its lesson; it feels so good when you start out. My head is screamin get a grip, girl, unless you're dying to cry your heart out..."
Beauty...
I know it's a few hours late, but...
In a Youtube video I watched at a Delta event this week, this guy said that the girls who shut guys down because they think of them as friends or brothers are idiots because the person you spend the rest of your life with should be like your best friend or your brother. From the moment I heard that, I haven't been able to keep you out of my head all over again. You once told my friend that if a girl liked you, you'd want her to just come out and say it. So how come last night I could massage you and use you as my pillow, but every time I thought about saying something to you I clammed up and just rubbed my left ear on your body, trying to get closer to you? Why when I had dinner with you today did I avoid even mentioning the fact that it was Valentine's Day? I'm always so quick to tell other people that you can never know the results of something until you try it, so why can't I just try starting something with you and see what happens? Why can't I be enough of an adult to know that a heart's possibly unreturned flutterings aren't enough to kill a friendship? Why am I content to have a piece of you, afraid to try for the whole thing for fear of losing it all?
Chocolate and flowers and rampant commercialism aside, Happy Single's Awareness Day, my lovely Valentine.



