There is a person sitting directly behind me in the library. His presence is in no way a problem to me. Even more surprisingly, his arm around my shoulders during our Pianoman circle (don't worry about it) was not problematic. I am more comfortable with him around than I imagined was possible, given the circumstances.
But about an hour ago, he took his hat off and sort of hit it against the top of his head a few times--maybe to help himself focus, maybe to drill a point home, I don't know--and this like, briefly filled the air between us with the smell of the inside of his hat, and I caught the scent and involuntarily breathed in really really deeply. I hope he didn't notice. I didn't even know that I was familiar with that scent, let alone that some part of me that seems to be deep down in my belly MISSED it.
It was a little disconcerting. But I suppose being reminded of who and what you used to be and how that person in those circumstances used to feel always is.
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