I'm one of those women (NSFW)

I'm one of those women...who loves giving blowjobs. So when Choosing Pancakes sent me a link to a Reddit thread in which women who love giving blowjobs answered a man's questions about WHY they love giving blowjobs, I felt compelled to answer. 

So when I was a teenager and first starting to speak with friends in purely hypothetical terms about sex, and a lot of them were all, "Omg blowjobs are disgusting--I don't understand how any women put their mouth anywhere near that thing omg I would never ewwwwww," I would feign sympathy with a half-disgusted snarl or just sit quietly, but in my head I was always utterly confused. I don't ever remember being AGAINST the idea. It seemed so carnal and intimate and intriguing. When I got to the point where I was interacting with porn regularly--mostly in the form of erotica because it seemed less likely that a family member might catch me in the act, and also something it didn't seem that most of my female friends were doing, not that I ever tried to bring the subject up--I loved the descriptions of blowjobs, no matter who was giving them. The combination of spongy softness and intense rigidity, the taste that was salty and just a little bitter, the ways to play around with your tongue and lips and hands. It seemed so raw and fresh and controlled and like such an intimate connection.

If I thought reading about blowjobs turned me on, I was entirely unprepared for watching them happen. Until J came along and taught me better during our "relationship" (most of which was carried out in his bed) the summer after my senior year of high school, nearly all of the porn I had watched was professional porn, the kind that comes on Cinemax late at night and features terrible background music drowning out the sex sounds. I pity my naive and misinformed youthful self. J introduced me to amateur porn; it's one of the other things I thank him for to this day. I'll never forget one afternoon, I'd gotten permission from my mom to go over to his house to "watch a movie." WE figured we should put something on so that I hadn't actually lied to my mother, and he pops in a cheap porno. We start making out with it playing in the background, but when the camera zooms in on a woman going down on some dude, I temporarily lose all pretense of interacting with J and am transfixed by the film. In that moment, every iota of my being wanted to experience that--which he caught onto, haha, but I held my own and didn't break my rule that I wasn't having sex with him. (I will give him credit, though. To this day no man has given me as many orgasms as he gave me, though the fact that he was the first person to ever touch me probably plays a non-trivial role in that. He was also one of the most sexually active teens I've known, with both guys and girls, so he had mad skills, haha.) 

By college, I was craving it. A step towards taking my sexuality into my own hands, I bought my first vibrator for my 20th birthday. It was a fairly realistic vibe, with a thick head and a veiny shaft, and from the moment I opened the package, I knew I wanted it in my mouth. Blowjob practice became a fairly regular thing, both in preparation for the real thing and just because I like the way it feels to suck on something. I wonder if it's how babies feel about their pacifiers. Now, even as a woman who has been complimented on her head game, I'm still prone to slide my vibe from vag to mouth from time to time, both to get a taste and just because I love the way it feels in my mouth.

Gentlemanly to a fault, my ex went down on me before I went down on him. I wanted to reciprocate immediately, but I was terrified that I wouldn't be any good at it. Over the course of the next week or so, I was all over the internet looking up blowjob tips, reading lots of erotica and watching lots of porn, and practicing with my vibe almost every day. The next time, when he was done, I dragged him back up to kiss me--much to his surprise--and instead of dwelling on whether or not I was "supposed" to do that, I flipped him over and started kissing my way down his chest and abs. As I inched closer I said, "My turn," and he opened his mouth to say something (which I expect would have been, 'You don't have to...') but before he could form words, my tongue was licking his head and we were both in bliss. That sharp intake of breath as I closed my lips over the head meant the world to me. I won't say it came naturally, since I'd been actively working on it, but I loved every. single. second of it (except for when he wouldn't cum in my mouth but that's another story for another day). Like, I texted my best friend after he'd fallen asleep to tell her it was even better than I'd dreamed...and she thought I was crazy because it's something she does because her boyfriend likes it, but she doesn't derive any pleasure from it. I feel sorry for her. 

And I don't understand women who make the argument that it's degrading. Maybe this makes me a bad kind-of-feminist, but I'm not sure I've ever felt that I have as much power over a man as when his dick is in my mouth. He's entirely at my mercy and I'm entirely in control of his pleasure--I've never had an inconsiderate bastard try to shove me into deep-throating (possibly not unrelated to the fact that I challenge myself to feel pubes tickling my nose), and I've never felt like I'm not running the show. The sounds I can make a man make are so fulfilling. They make something in me achey and hungry and wanting more. I love knowing that I can do that to someone else. I don't really like 69 because I want to be able to focus on what I'm doing, and what I'm doing is lavishing this person with affection and pleasure in a way that is also pleasing to me. I love the taste of it and the texture and the weight and girth in my mouth. I love hands in my fro following me as I move up and down. I love...blowjobs. 



...And goddamn I need to get laid.