Rated M

This needs a disclaimer. The following post is for mature audiences only. Proceed with caution.

Ladies, this is directed at you.

I'm really concerned. This started about a month ago maybe; I was having a conversation with a very close friend of mine and somehow the conversation turned to vibrators. She didn't understand how one worked. I was like, honey, it's pretty self explanatory... Blah-da-de-blah-blah, you don't need to hear this entire conversation. The killer line is right here: She "didn't even know girls could [masturbate]".

If I was a cartoon character, my jaw would have HIT THE FLOOR. She asked me how I knew how, and I honestly didn't even know what to tell her. It was part of my journey of self-discovery waaayyyyyy back when I started going through puberty.Further into this conversation, I learned she didn't even know anything about her own anatomy, other than "where [her] hole is". I mean, they have health class in private school, don't they?! I couldn't even handle this, so I sent her to a pretty decent website so she could educate herself about how she works. (Ladies, I really hope you don't need this, but I feel obligated: LEARN ABOUT YOUR BODY, I'M BEGGING YOU.)

She was scared that she didn't have all the right parts, and later was absolutely incredulous as to the fact that it is possible for a woman to bring herself to orgasm. I really kind of almost wanted to cry; I can't remember not knowing what one felt like. I can't imagine never trying.

A couple of weeks later, I found out that one of my roommates is deathly afraid of...tampons. She is afraid of having anything inside of her, which to me sounds just like she's afraid of her insides.

And then this happened: Last Friday's Daily Princetonian featured on the front page an article entitled "Pleasuring Princeton" that revealed that, based on some study they did, barely more than half of the females on campus reported that they masturbate. Seriously, 52.4 percent. And 34% of that percentage say they only do it once. a. month. ...EXCUSE ME, WAT?!

So I decided to see if I'm just living amongst a bunch of freaks (...or anti-freaks, I guess) or if this is widespread....and turns out, it's an epidemic! Reports that I found on Google claim that as many as 40 percent of women in the US simply don't masturbate. And have never! And I just, ladies, I don't understand.

But then I think back to those books my mom bought me when I got my period for the first time--I believe that part of this issue stems from the fact that black women, in particular, are often very reluctant to talk about their sexuality, which may be a result of the ways in which society portrays us as vastly oversexed Jezebels-- and remember that even when they addressed the issue of female masturbation, they put in the following caveat: Some women don't like to do it. My friend said she thought vaginas were wet and smelly and she felt bad for guys who give head; she bought into that stereotype that female sexuality is somehow dirty or wrong. Well, truth be told, ladies, being open to exploring your sexuality doesn't automatically make you a slut or a whore, I promise. I don't care if people have been shoving the idea that being sexy and being ladylike are directly at odds with one another; a new day has dawned. It's two-thousand-freaking-ten, women; we're free to be who we are, and we, like all humans, are sexual beings, okay?

Did you know that statistics say that as many as 25% of women cannot physically have orgasms from sex alone? So don't fret about the myth that masturbating can make it so you can never orgasm any other way--it might be the only way you're ever going to experience the thrill. And--get ready, I'm about to blow your mind--research shows masturbating is actually HEALTHY. Yes, you heard me, healthy: orgasms lead to the release of endorphin and estrogen, which promotes smooth skin and healthy hair. Masturbating promotes healthy vaginal and urinal tracts. It also feeds your sex drive, increases your self-esteem, and it can lead to you becoming multiply orgasmic....mmm, girl let me tell you. These are not things you want to miss. Also it just FEELS GOOD. Great, actually.

Also, a lot of men report that they find female masturbation to be incredibly attractive, as it's generally the best way for your guy to find out exactly what you like. So don't think you're cheating on your man or your future man by doing it. Men like a woman who knows what she wants.

I heard a great line on the internet somewhere once: If you don't wanna fuck yourself, why would you expect anyone else to want to fuck you? In my personal and decidedly non-expert opinion, I believe that making love with yourself is a critical element of loving yourself, and ladies, I highly recommend it. It'll be my 20th birthday in a week, and my birthday present...well, let's just say it's hot pink, 7 inches long and one inch wide, curved slightly, ribbed, waterproof, and has multiple speed settings.

Love yourself, ladies. In every way that you can.